One Year (sing it in your head to BNLs One Week)


It’s been one year since the surgery

Cut a hole in my chest

And stuck in a battery

Live wires threaded into me

Ran through my veins not through my arteries

Three leads compensate for my heart

If it ever fails, I’ve got a jump start

Face to face with mortality

Now when I travel they have to wand me

Ask myself how did I get here?  

Man, this is so weird 

Why did I have to have this done?

Poor ejection, lowly fraction

No response to medication

Zero energy

Because of piss-poor circulation

Left bundle branch blocking signals 

To the ventricles

Makes ‘em beat out of rhythm

One side is getting larger

I need  a charger

To get them beating at the same time

The best device devised by science

Stops the heart from beating twice

A therapy called cardiac resynchronization

Avoids the a-fib

The fatal a-fib

Trying hard not to sound glib

But you can have my heart attack

I think I’ll live without one

Doctors tell you without treatment that you’ll be dead
Oversell the point until you see red.
I’m too young to have to plan for a funeral.

Without help they say
That I soon could.
So many times they tried pointing that out to me 

I’m pretty sure I quit listening at seven.  

It’s been one year since the surgery

Cut a hole in my chest

And stuck in a battery

Hours spent in cardiology

Most of that drugged up and sleeping

Three leads rejuvenate my heart

If it ever fails, I’ve got a jump start

Bafungool to mortality

Now when I travel they have to wand me

Tickity tick-tock, the tickers ticking,

Taps out a beat, I’m still alive and kicking

Bid adieu to shoddy pumping

My heart’s thumping

Could use a little grind and bumping 

Am I in shape enough to have sex

That’s what I asked next

Blushing nurses pretend they didn’t hear me

I keep my distance from my cell phone

Magnets are verboten

And stay away far from the microwave

Anything that might make my heart race

Has to be kept at bay at arms length

At least until I know my heart is going to take it.

If things go wrong and I get off pace

Just grimace through the dizzy with a straight face

And call the doctor in the morning

Doctors tell you without treatment that you’ll be dead
Oversell the point until you see red.
I’m too young to have to plan for a funeral.

Without this they say
That I soon could.
So many times they tried pointing that out to me 

I’m pretty sure I quit listening at seven.  

It’s been one year since the surgery

Cut a hole in my chest

And stuck in a battery

Good news in recovery

I’ll be fine, even in spite of me

Three leads revitalize my heart

If it ever fails, I’ve got a jump stasrt

Flirting with immortality

Now when I travel they have to wand me

Now when I travel they have to wand me

Now when I travel they have to wand me

Bananas and rum tastes great when they’re flambeed

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